There will be ghosts! There will be exploding pumpkins! You will receive achievements and candy prizes! And by God you will be frightened by it or I will give you something to be frightened about!Ĭlick this link to read more about The Terrifying Team Fortress Haunted Hallowe'en Special! So listen up! An update will arrive later today. If you're not standing in a puddle of your own Jarate by the time he's finished talking, you should ask him to start over, because you weren't paying attention. The next time you visit your grandfather, take out your ipoot headbuds, pull up your goddamn pants, and ask him what a war is. If that doesn't scare you out of your frilly pink leotards, guess what: You are an idiot and you hate America. Get out a pen and write this in your poem books: I have personally killed 6,078 men in cold blood while looking them in the eye jumped on 1,455 live grenades and stuffed fourteen feet of my own intestine back into my stomach. Why? Because you don't know what real fear is. Evidently, the youth of today enjoy being scared. When I inquired what this missive should contain, I was instructed only that it had something to do with an upcoming pagan moon worship festival, and that it should be "terrifying". The Powers That Be have commanded me to write another short missiveI'm told it will be broadcast on some manner of punch-card tube machine and read by the thin, stupid youth of today, who evidently ignored my past instructions to stop wasting their lives and do more push-ups. If you want more, go buy a dictionary, and as long as you're at the store, pick up a pretty dress to wear to your Ladies' Looking Up Words party.Īt ease, you wastes of skin. It'll look better on you than on a dead man, that's how I see it. If I meet the Billy Shakespeare who came up with that nancy-assed garbage, I will bury my war-foot so far up his ass it will be a foot and a half up his ass.Īt any rate: If you weren't one of the lucky few who received one of the 10,319 Ghostly Gibus Hats, you can still get your hands on one by dominating any son of a bitch you see wearing it in the Harvest map. How many goddamn words do you people need? In my day you wrote just enough words to convey meaning: "Secure that damn hill." "I will have more sausages." "This man spoke trash and I strangled him." Today's writing is complicated and has to mean two things at the same time, or it won't win writing awards. The Powers That Be have instructed me to pen another dispatch for you unfortunates. How to Get a Ghostly Gibus Hat OctoThe Soldier
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